Suddenly miss my braces & my black long hair ♥
miss the old times when i don't need to think a lottz...
miss when everything work inside the line,
miss the breeze of the beach, miss all the inspirations,
miss the laugh, miss when everything's get right...

actually i MISS My Life... ♥

Dear FATHER,

Dear My Beloved FATHER,

Even though the Sky is falling, even though the Life getting Darker & Harder...
Still i have very Big Faith to YOU FATHER,
The ONE that i Never Doubt, The ONE that i can Trust in my entire Life...
Actually FATHER...am i that Strong enough??

From: YOUR Daughter who is missing YOU badly ♥

• I Choose...Someday •

Time flies really fast...

feels like it still yesterday, but..peoples changed...things changed...

everything starting from the beginning...process then ending, time fades...

peoples married, having baby (birth) then died & so on.

Peoples around me are getting married, yeah...and it really wonderful

having own family, sounds really great, and yeah someday i want to own my own family...

Someday...not at the moment :)

I do lotz of thinking...

peoples always asking me who is my BF & when is my turn to get married, there's a lotz of expectations, it Sucks you know ! *am tired with all that question*

and am not the kind of people who want to make anybody happy being who i am not !

Yesh...someday i want to get married with someone who can grow old with me, maybe...not at the moment.

am happy to choose what i do really want, am happy with my SINGLE LIFE :) *noted*

WHY...peoples always thought that if we want to get Happy we should getting Married ??

that's not what i thought...happiness is what we create inside us, not from a thing or anyone !!

i CHOOSE to live my life happily with / without a Man.

i do really agree with the idea of a Marriage, but that's not fit with me at the moment.

Someday...i will says ❛ I Do ❜

Someday...when i meet ❛ My Stranger ❜

Someday...when GOD showing our Path,

Someday...when we're Ready,

Someday...at right time, right place & right man,

Someday...when we Grateful for each of us Existence,

Someday... ;)

♥

❝ Being Complete doesn't always makes you Happy,
but Being Happy...IT will Complete you :)❞

Dunno why...but suddenly feels that my personal life more Easier...Now, without any interuption from anyone in anyway, but...still my profesional life tough ! *hahaha*

❝ Let anything PROFESIONAL stays PROFESIONAL and anything PERSONAL stays safe in it's Place !❞

P.S: Can't wait for Long Holidays this month, can't wait for end of August ♥

Where I Am ??

Suddenly...i don't know where's my direction...

Suddenly...don't know what i am to do...

all the things just pop out from my head...

Where i am...

What i am to do...

Lotz of thinking,
till' it when i will to do this and that...

perhaps GOD want me through all this things...

Many things happened, but still...i feel that i don't made everything right !

there's still a burried passion, still try to find it, still try to make a way, but till... when??

fortunately...i already lost my gulity feeling, all the sadness...

Will write a new chapter, a new page but it still in the same book :)

will take all the opportunities in front of me,

will exploring myself more deeply,

will do everything like there's no box,

hey...it almost the ending of my Quarter Century

flashback for everything happened, analyse & take the lessons,

counting down...

for my Quarter Century plus One

Thanx :)

I don't know why you said "Thanx" at those moment, when i asked why you said that? 

you just said..."don't ask", coz' you already tired & will going to sleep. 

Then the day after Happened !

hhmm...but maybe i already got it Now...WHY !

Trial & Error huhh..
 

Maybe this is it...

It just Only IF... :)

It could be the last time, coz i won't into it anymore...

Won't reply your calling *anywhere*, must standing on your own thought & decision.
already made a promise that i won't care anymore...
i won't "Be There" anymore :| 

FAREWELL...

Complicated...

Suddenly missing him... (╥_╥)

totally have no idea what should i do, i can't meet him anymore... *maybe i can meet him occasionally*

Actually i met him everyday before...and now can not see his stupid, funny yet seriously face...makes me missing him BADLY >__<

*Honestly...i messed up everything, it's just because of me... and now when i already lost it made me feel sad (_ _")*

Already Tired (_ _")

Wooo...am TIRED !! 
Lot of things happened really fast lately...

Confusing...dunno what to do, already trying to make a change, but it didn't work, hmm...maybe this is my fault for giving an ignorance, but actually i NEVER mean it :'(

arrghhh...!!!
Tired of THINKING...
Tired of WONDERING...
Tired of GUESSING...
(_ _")

GOD...actually gave me some answer that day, but i think it still on progress, a lil' bit shock...when i miss that person, he shows up at my house *not for me, like he used to be, but for another thing*, and the other one is angry with me becoz' i didn't pick up his call *but i don't miss him* *haiiiisshh....* hate this feeling....TIRED !!!

Ooww...geezz gonna sleep soon, my body & mind really need a break, hope i can safely back into my normal life, Bless me FATHER...

*sigh*

Hhhm...actually am COMPLICATED !! (╥_╥)

My feeling is messed up, i mean really messed up...

Still being attached with my previous feeling *trying to cleaning & healing my heart* but suddenly another one is come into my life very fast & am not ready for that (still dun have any feeling...Randomly) *coz i don't want to hurt anybody*

Ohh...GOD is this UR answer to me, so sorry becoz am pushing U really hard...

am needing UR answer, i mean The BEST ANSWER...

2011 ♥

It's 2011 !

Suddenly got the feeling that this year gonna be Great :)
actually 2010 is my hardest year so far, from the beginning of 2010 till' the end of the year i felt really hard to through it.

in 2010...
All the "test & trial" is come over, over & over again (_ _"), but i learn a lot from this year & it changed me to be a better me :)

The Day I Went Away :|

Today is the last day here at office...and i had just did the Morning Briefing, Farewell briefing to my team, and am typing this thingy from his Lappie *Lolz*, gonna leave him & i must strong :( *am already trying to changed things, but i think the things can't changed anymore....it really hard when we didn't tried to changed it & talk it*

.....

Counting The Day...

Am counting the day to my FREEDOM... :|
Yeshh...tomorrow will be my last day at Office, it will be relieving yet sadly moment for me...
Relieving because this is that i want to & what i should do to save my heart & improving my future life, Sadly because i'll left some good friends of mine at this place & left my Cracky Heart *if you know what i mean *:( *gonna miss them for sure, esp. him T__T*

Am gonna stand my fight till' the last, hhmmm...actually all the peoples don't know the EXACT reason why i leave the company, i only told a lil' pieces of it, i still keeping it the whole reason for myself *sigh*
I should move on before am getting hurt deeply *in many aspects*, Finally...i've made my decision after a quite long thinking *Praying, Thinking...Thinking..., Bali Moment, etc* & Finally the FINALE gonna happen tomorrow *sigh*
I must strong ! I must moving forward ! Because every Choices has it's own Risks.

Just let everything happen based on GOD's Plan, not mine, because that's the BEST Plan. And because i already trying many as i can, if the things doesn't change then what i should do...i had my own limit too...


Hope...everything ahead will be better than what i've got today...
Am still FIGHTING for my Future, still FIGHTING for my Heart, still FIGHTING for Everything in my Life...

Hope...Tomorrow will be better than Today :)

♥

I Learn...

It's been a while am not blogging, miss my blogging moment badly :(

and it's been half year i work at this investment company, i learn a lot in this place, i learn about life, relationship, and many more that i never got in my previous year, yesh...all the things happened changed me a lot.

It's been few months since my "BLINK" moment, it get better for me even sumtimes i remembered all the things happened and feeling lost :(, i've already try to make a distance but everyday we meet and it makes me sumtimes act really weird or maybe am jealous (_ _"), everything turn into stranger for us, like we never get close before *even sumtimes he act like we're friend but it still strange for me*.

Rite now am gonna resign from this company, and i already told my boss *today* am feeling relieved, i think i left some of my heart at this place....

yesh i learn a lot, i learn to forgive, i learn to love & be loved, i learn to letting go of my past, every people here teach me many things.

I'm happy & sad at the same time....

Ooo..GOD i'm not fall for him already but i do really care bout' him...badly >___< *dunno what happened to me*

Now...am trying to letting go... *poor me :(*

Wish me luck... :)

Just a BLINK...

it just happened...
after confused thingy, desperate with the "old thing", on the way to my healing thingy...something come even am not really sure coz' lotz of a - z thingy factor & i thought it will really hard to let go the old thing *YESH...i really did*.
it came really fast in my new chapter of life after the "old thing", not realized at first...but after all this things happened & the attentions slowly fade away make me feeling lost...


Honestly...
am feeling comfy...but still lotz of thingy in my head *this & that & not really sure*, but i want those attentions back ! *sounds really selfish..huh !*
it's like GOD says: "Look child I still ♥ you, still blessed u, u still live your life after the "old thing" happened."
hahaha...maybe GOD give me all this "blinking moment" to make me realized that my life still beautiful & wonderful, and one thing..that HE still give me a warm Heart :)
 Thanx FATHER for this experience...will keeping my "precious thing" in safety place, till' YOU open it & giving it to me :) Thanx for this teary smile...Thanx for created me strong outside :) *inside am fragile...ALERT ! Lolz*

Rite now 3:00 AM in the morning & i still can't sleep...after a few hours ago texted *feels like stranger :(* hhmm...later i think should make a distance to make me strong & back to my "safety place" *maybe it really hard coz i'm SELFISH !* maybe this is one of my healing moment after hard to let go the "old thing", maybe this is the TESTING that GOD give me *arrgghhh....really tiring to passing all this moment again*, my mind not really into it & i already blocked it, but honestly why...tears drop from my eyes *after the strange thingy*, but am not really hurt...confusing >__<

still dunno what i feel... maybe i must get over it & passing this testing before am getting deeply into it *SURELY*, still waiting the trully "gift" from GOD :)
wish me luck... *11:11* ;)

Now Playing: I THINK GOD CAN EXPLAIN by SPLENDER
Posted via email from Lets Celebrate LIFE...

After Midnight

arrghh...i miss this blogging thingy moment...
miss to write what i feel, miss to post the pic that i like, miss my productive writing moment after midnight, miss many things here... ;)
Think i'm gonna start blogging again *frequently*
most of my blogging moment starting when i'm feeling depressed with all the situations around me and what my heart feels, it feels like yesterday happened when i'm feeling stressful with my uni thingy, but Thanx GOD all this confusing thingy is almost over =D *still bless me LORD*
and i'm lil' bit confusing too with my 3 major blogs, i love these 3 blogs (Blogspot, Wordpress, Posterous) coz each blog had their own characteristic & advantages, which one should i choose become my major blog (_ _") *i love 3 of it !* too much blog huh ?!
hmmm...one thing for sure, i'll continue blogging with these 3 blogs and maybe i don't need to choose it ;)
will writing on these 3 wonderful blogs of mine ^^
♥

Posted via web from Lets Celebrate LIFE...

Memories..Will Ever Stay ??

i'm writing this thingy while i'm waiting for my lecturer, here..this place make me flashback few years ago, when i'm always waiting for next class, when i had lotz of curious thingy inside my head, when i'm always guessed..., a smile, thoughts, curiousity, falling :) yeah...some place sumtimez make us remembering *again* all the thing happened.

I used to hate all the things happened and i used to smile too LOLz
lotz of things happened and Thanx JC i'm still strong and always can smile :) 

Life's Moving On...
I'm Looking Forward...
Never Looking Back on My Past...

hhhmmm...gonna enjoy this moment of mine, when there's no one inside,
someday i'm gonna miss it ;) *trying to throw all the bad memories away, think i did it hahahaha*

p.s: lil' bit sleepy :(

Posted via web from Lets Celebrate LIFE...

NEW UPDATED !!!

Come to my anotha' Blog, my new pleasure, i called it It's A Celebration..., i've made it on January this year of 2010 & it more simple from this blog. I think i'm gonna write my daily updated there, but i still checkin' on this blog tho' :)

GOODBYE and HELLO...

it's early mornin and i can't sleeppp.... :(, there's nobody wake up BUT me...

i can't sleep and feel really thirsty *lately the weather is really weird, yupz...there's RAIN but the air is STILL hot and make me dehydrate*, soo...i'm tryin to find sumthin in my refrigerator...then i found dis Nu Green Tea :) *made me fresh..juz fo' a while...lolz*

really enjoyed dis green tea fo' a while :)

hhhmmm....yeah i can't sleep...coz there's lotz of things in my mind, think bout me, my self, my life *for past few years and of course NOW*, and i'm STILL AMAZE dat GOD showin me everythin i should noe *HE's showin me the path* and all this thing *i HOPE* can make me movin forward lil' bit faster and little by little stoppin me to lookin back at my past, i noe everythin dat passed away is already OVER but sumtimez juz can't believe it dat everythin moved and changed really fast...*like a blink*

*sigh* after a year guessin, waitin, thinkin and tryin to hold on, now i'm tryin to release all those feelin, coz i already noe d TRUTH *every details i noe, d story, d promise...EVERYTHIN i noe, like...GOD whisperin, talkin and showin it to me, it really unbelievable* YESH...i already noe EVERYTHIN, EVERY DETAILS...fo' sure...

NOW...juz can say *honestly* dat i'm RELIEVED...tryin to focus on my dream, my purpose at first place *all dis thing drain me mentally and physically, i'm juz TIRED*, time to recover is over NOW.

all dis "flashin thing" really made me grown up and much stronger, yeah...i learn dat dis bitterness really STRENGTHEN me and i learn dat we CAN'T trust people's word easily, but one thing fo' sure...I NEVER REGRET ANY PART of MY LIFE STORY...a "THING" or PERSON even d HARDEST PART which is left me a "wound" *EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is PRECIOUS fo' me*-olweiz rememberin every single wound to make me "wake up" and not make the same mistakes anymore...

THANK YOU...dat's my GOODBYE and HELLO... :)

.....

.....

.....

and Welcome to a NEW LIFE...

NOW...i'm tryin to focus on what i do and let FATHER do the REST of ALL.

.....

.....

one "CHAPTER" is finish from my book of life, 

NOW...i'm gonna write a new "CHAPTER" *pray fo' me yahhh... :)*

can't wait to noe and experience a new "CHAPTER"...can't wait to noe all d "surprise"...lolz

p.s: Now...i'm startin to see d "RAINBOW"...after all dis "RAIN" happened *too much STANDING in THE RAIN*, i can SMILE now, juz let go and i'm relieved... :)
gonna sleep now...really tired...

Existence...

Eksistensi (Existence)...kata yang mudah diucapkan, namun kadang artinya hanyalah suatu eksistensi yang kosong dan tidak bermakna. Apa eksistensi itu sesungguhnya....

Apakah perlu eksistensi itu dalam hidup ?? eksistensi seperti apa yang sebenarnya kita harapkan sebagai “manusia”, hanya exist atau “exist” tidak hanya untuk diri sendiri tapi bagi orang lain dan kehidupan kita ??

Setiap manusia pada dasarnya sama butuh eksistensi.

Setiap manusia ingin diakui ke-exist-annya...entah dalam hidup orang lain, di suatu organisasi, di suatu lingkungan bahkan di dunia.

Tapi percuma saja jika manusia itu exist tanpa memberikan makna dan inspirasi bagi dunianya, karena manusia itu tidak akan ada bedanya dengan pemanis atau hiasan untuk pelengkap kehidupan serta berbagai macam formalitas yang ada dalam dunia ini.

Manusia hanya akan dianggap sebagian kecil dari semua hiruk pikuk, lalu lalang dan populasi dalam dunia ini.

Dengan mengetahui apa yang sebenarnya kita inginkan dan melakukan yang ingin kita lakukan sepenuh hati serta membuat orang lain bahagia mungkin akan membuat hidup kita lebih “manusiawi”  serta mempunyai arti dan menginspirasi orang lain...

mungkin itulah arti dari beberapa keeksistensian kita di dunia ini.

Apa sebenarnya eksistensi itu??

Bagiku eksistensi itu adalah...

ketika aku bertemu kemudian bertukar senyum dan salam dengan orang lain,

ketika aku mendengarkan seseorang yang memang butuh “didengarkan”,

ketika aku bisa membuat orang lain tersenyum dan tertawa (dengan kebodohanku),

ketika bebas mengutarakan apa yang ada di pikiranku,

ketika aku berbuat sesuatu hal kecil bagi orang lain,

ketika pikiran dan pendapatku dihargai orang lain,

ketika berkreasi seperti yang aku inginkan tanpa ada batasan-batasan,

ketika aku bisa menghargai orang lain dan pendapat mereka,

ketika aku tersakiti dan sadar aku bisa merasakan sakit itu karena aku “hidup”,

ketika aku terjatuh dan merasa harus bangkit lagi,

ketika Tuhan menegur aku maupun mengabulkan doa-doaku,

ketika aku mengucapkan Terima Kasih dan sebaliknya orang lain terhadap aku,

ketika aku terinspirasi oleh orang lain dan menjadikannya motivasi dalam kehidupanku,

ketika aku bisa memberikan kekuatan bagi orang lain,

ketika kebodohan atau kesalahanku memotivasi dan menguatkan orang lain,

ketika aku memberi semangat pada diriku untuk maju terus ke depan & tidak takut akan kegagalan,

ketika aku merasakan dan memahami “perasaan” yang dialami orang lain,

ketika aku mempunyai pengharapan akan sesuatu,

ketika aku mengungkapkan perasaanku pada orang lain tanpa ada penyesalan, karena memang itu yang aku rasakan,

ketika aku menjalani hidupku tanpa penyesalan, walaupun kadang hal buruk dan rasa sakit itu ada,

ketika aku merasa lemah maupun takut,

ketika aku bangun pagi hari dan sadar mataku dapat terbuka serta bisa merasakan detak jantungku,

ketika aku mempunyai pegangan dan kekuatan dalam hidup,

ketika keluarga maupun teman-temanku (Ma Angelz) ada "di sampingku" saat aku mengalami kedukaan dan kegagalan,

serta berbagai macam keeksistensian yang pernah dan akan aku rasakan dalam hidup.

Tapi dari semua “rasa” itu...yang membuat aku sadar sesungguhnya apa arti “eksistensi “ itu ketika aku merasa di ambang kematian, semuanya benar-benar aku “rasakan”  dan muncul tepat di hadapanku. Pada saat aku merasa di ambang kematian, aku masih belum rela melepaskan keeksistensian-ku dalam kehidupan. Aku masih ingin melanjutkan keeksistensian-ku dalam hidup, karena aku merasa belum cukup memanfaatkan keeksistensianku untuk bisa berguna dan dapat membahagiakan orang lain, namun pada akirnya nanti aku juga harus berhenti, hingga kemudian bisa berkata dengan lega dan puas “CUKUP SUDAH...sudah saatnya bagiku untuk mengakhiri keeksistensian-ku dalam dunia dan kembali pada dunia yang sudah dijanjikan padaku, biarlah keeksistensian-ku hidup dan tinggal di dalam orang-orang yang menyayangi maupun yang tidak menyukaiku, karena aku sudah melakukan semua yang ingin aku lakukan serta bertanggung jawab atas semua hal itu dan aku tidak pernah menyesali hal baik, buruk yang terjadi dan setiap orang (semuanya) yang pernah "kutemui dan kukenal" dalam hidupku”

Sehingga pada akirnya aku bisa tersenyum dan bahagia, karena sudah menjalankan tugas keesksistensian-ku dan merasakan keeksistensian orang lain dalam hidupku (baik maupun buruk), sehingga membuat aku merasa tidak menyesal telah dilahirkan.

PS: Buat keeksistensian kita berguna tidak hanya untuk diri sendiri,   tapi juga untuk orang lain. Not only EXIST but Co-EXIST too. ^^

I Luph U All Ma Angelz, THANX for “EVERYTHIN” all of U gave to me, THANX for always be there for me and THANX for being Ma LIFE’S PUZZLE *coz each of u have and keep a pieces of story bout me, bout ma life and all ur opinion bout me* ^_^

I DO REALLY LUPH ALL OF YOU, GBU olweiz. ^^

My Thoughts

 You can't judge me coz' you just a human being, only GOD can judge me.

If you see me, I'm only a human being, a body with mind and feelin, but inside i'm only a pieces of soul from billions in dis world who's sent from heaven and still searchin wat the meaning of true life.

I'm a corpse with soul inside, and it makes me think dat life not only a physical or material things, but what we feel inside is the most important thing, and it makes my life really wonderful. I'm HAPPY.

I'm a soul, wrapped with corpse, covered with behave, but inside and what i feel is trully me.

GOD create me with many reasons and purpose, with mind and feelin, sadness and happiness, and it makes me feel that i'm special and usefull in GOD's way.

pain is feel really hurt, but if we can pass that feelin it make us really stronger and can rule our world.

pain is about learn sickness, forgive ourself, and thanks to the people who make ourself hurt because give us this experience and make us stronger.

life give many things to learn, it makes me stronger and makes me feel dat i'm special.

sumtimes i need a space for maself, need time to cry, need time to meditate, need time to think, for many reason i juz need it.

I Had my Own World and it's full of happiness inside, So What about yours?